Intentionally over-committing

Have you ever intentionally taken on a little more than you think you can handle? If you have, why?

I'm doing it this semester because I don't want to give my mind time to wander. My dad is not doing well. I don't want to publicize the details, so you'll have to believe me. The doctors either cannot or will not tell us what his current group of diagnoses mean in terms of prognosis except to say, several times, that it's not good. I don't want time to consider possible implications of his current health beyond an initial thought. Oddly, this situation seems to help me concentrate on work most of the time. I'm making progress on most fronts.

In pursuit of the goal to keep myself busy, here are my major work-related activities this semester:

1. Prelim: The proposal write-up is due November 23, and the oral presentation is tentatively schedule for December 9. That leaves me a little over two months to write it. My to-do list says "come up with plan for prelim."
2. Research for AMS 2011 in January: I don't know if I have a poster or oral presentation yet, but it doesn't matter. I need results to present either way. The first step is downloading data. Thankfully I wasn't optimistic enough to believe I could have model results in time.
3. @#$% MS paper: Yep, still going. The Energizer paper. At least I'm working on a first round of revisions to most of the text. Computers still are not cooperating to finish the final two figures.
4. Copyediting for the school newspaper: This only consumes three hours one night a week. It'll give me a taste of what working on a tight deadline is like without too much time commitment.
5. Writing for the school STEM magazine: Only one issue will be published this semester, so I will write one article for print, one article for the web, and two blog posts. It should be straightforward and relatively quick since the articles are supposed to be short. It'll challenge me more to choose a topic than to write the articles.
6. Intern as a science writer with the university news bureau: I'm excited about this. My mentor actually gets paid to write about science! And she's professional about it! How refreshing. The internship can take as much or as little time as I let it because I accept (or turn down) assignments as they crop up. Finally, some reliable mentoring in writing.

The work for my only class should pull double-duty with my PhD research, so I don't count it as a major commitment.

I also intend to help my family as possible and as needed, attend all the jujitsu practices I can, and occasionally go rock climbing, ice skating, and biking. Oh, and cook tasty food. I have to eat, right?

If you think I'm crazy, you're not alone. I think my mom is the only person who doesn't question me anymore. She's learned that many of my seemingly crazy ideas are some of the ones that work out the best.

My go-anywhere "lab" tools - Scientiae, September 2010

This month's Scientiae topic is research equipment. For me, it's pretty simple. My main equipment consists of my laptop, research group computers, the department computing clusters, and a supercomputer or two. So, yeah, computers. "Lab" is a foreign concept.

This setup lets me work from many locations. In the past few months, I've worked from Wisconsin, Illinois, Tennessee, North Carolina, Virginia, and Maryland (I was too tired in Ohio and refused to open my computer in New York). I can log on to any of the big computers through the internet. Even the data I use is available remotely. I download it to my laptop or directly to one of the other computers from whoever stores it (usually some government organization).

I use the terminal window religiously. I recently added nxclient to my repertoire, which gives me a GUI desktop for an interactive node dedicated to my research group. That's handier than I expected. Between these two interfaces, I can run programs interactively or in batch mode (submit a job that will run when the resources become available).

I reroute the output into a text file so I don't have to babysit the program, I can review the output later, and the program will not crash if my laptop dies or I lose my network connection. If I had to run everything interactively and couldn't record the output, I would have violently and permanently killed at least one computer by now. As it stands, I have non-violently killed several computers several times (including single-handedly jamming the department cluster), but I, my adviser, or the sys admin were always able to bring them back.

And my little macbook is the portal to it all. It's wonderful and dangerous at the same time.

Macs win

You know that program that's been regularly crashing the department computer cluster for at least a couple of months? It runs fine on a Mac (thanks, adviser!). Go figure. At least I can make the final figure for my paper now.

Speaking of the paper, I have something resembling a draft. I haven't written the conclusions or abstract yet because I want to clarify the focus of the paper with some revisions before I try to summarize it. I'm having trouble with the organization. Each figure shows a series of six times for a level of the atmosphere. I used the figures to make a paragraph-by-paragraph outline that the adviser said looked good. After the introduction, data, and methods, I point out the significant features at each level and follow them through time. Now I want to connect the levels of the atmosphere to show a somewhat cohesive system and address teleconnections to show that the phenomenon I'm studying affects areas outside my focus region. Despite my seemingly logical outline, the discussion seems haphazard. I hope it only needs some heavy editing, but what if all the editing in the world will not make this organization scheme flow?

Writing my first paper: Oh, the pain!

I am in the midst of editing my first scientific paper, and it's painful! I'm sure most of the pain is self inflicted. It's not bad once I sit down and start working, but it seems like the work never ends. I've been working with the same (last) figure for the paper for many weeks, fighting computer problems that defy explanation. I finally moved the scripts to a different machine. I don't think it's working. Though the program is still listed as an active process, the output file is showing no progress.

The part of the paper that I can write without the last figure is coming along. I'm flailing a little because I'm not sure how to write it. I suppose I'll find out if I'm doing it correctly when I send my polished-as-I-can-get-it draft to the advisor. To do that, however, I need to plot the last figure.

I have completely given up hope of finishing the prelim before the end of summer. I'd have to figure out how to run a model, generate preliminary data, write everything up, and figure out what else I have to do for a prelim in the next two weeks before my adviser and I are both out of town for the majority of August. Dammit!

As a result, I am registered for a class this fall on using the WRF model. I suppose it'll be a useful class. I still don't want to take it.

In positive news, my journalism (copyediting) professor invited me to chat with her about finding a way to get the experience and knowledge I need to break into science writing. I'll definitely take her up on that.

My house gets clean when the computer dies

Ahh, the pleasure of a clean house and the sinuses to prove that I did the cleaning! I still have to clean the bathroom, the bedroom, and a few things in the kitchen, but I've made huge progress over the past couple of days. Pretty soon my house will be ready to host even those who are allergic to cats. (I gave my cats to a good home since I will not be here consistently enough to take good care of them.)

On the research front, the cursed paper I've been writing for the last mumble, mumble is delayed yet again. This time it has nothing to do with motivation or distractions. The department computer cluster doesn't play well with my code. I may have single-handedly frozen the file system several times. The cluster is now down for service. I'm going to start working on my prelim in the mean time since I feel like I'm wasting time waiting for technology to work. I don't have much hope of getting it done before the semester starts anymore, but I should be able to make a significant dent in it.

In other news:

• I'm still enjoying my class. It turns out that I'm pretty good at copyediting (when I pay attention to such things).
• My dress for my brother's wedding should be ready Tuesday, which is in plenty of time for the wedding. I need light gold shoes. Let's not discuss my progress on that
• Dad's doing well for someone on a heavy chemo regimen.
• I'm riding 62 miles on Sunday in the JBC 4th of July Metric Ride. This time I'm riding solo--no family, no friends coming. I guess I'll have to talk to strangers!
• I have not yet turned my AC on despite some days above 90°F. I'm enjoying being stubborn.
• I like fireworks.

Technology's toll on my time

Technology is often my lifeline. Especially recently (because I've been helping care for my dad through his cancer treatment), I have relied on it to keep up with friends, family, work, and the world at large. I also use it to read and listen to music, among other entertainment. Am I a technology addict?

A recent article in the New York Times, entitled "Hooked on Gadgets, and Paying a Mental Price", focuses on the technological habits of the Campbell family. I've noticed similar habits in myself. I have a hard time not answering my cell phone when it rings, and I compulsively check my numerous email accounts throughout the day. The Campbells do this to the extreme. Kord Campbell, the father of the family, sometimes sleeps with his laptop or iPhone on his chest. I may have slept next to my computer a few times when I was on a tight deadline for school, but I have never slept with my computer on top of me.

I admit that I spend a lot of time on my computer more days than not. But I have reasons. My job requires that I write and run computer programs, write papers, and communicate with colleagues across the country. Some of my best friends live several hundred miles from me and are very busy. I use email and occasionally instant messaging to keep up with them, and I don't receive a paper newspaper, so I read my news online. Of course, I also use my computer to write these posts. All those add up to a lot of screen time.

They are also excuses. A lot of my computer time does not work toward any of them. A certain amount of time for non-productive entertainment is permissible, if I can keep it under control and realize how much time I'm really devoting to it. When I catch myself spending several hours on my computer with nothing to show for it, not only do I feel apathetic from having my eyes adhered to the screen for so long, but I also feel terrible for wasting so much time. I usually can't name anything I enjoyed during that time. It was mindless. On the other hand, some of my best days are the ones devoid of technological gadgets. Are you seeing a trend?

That's not even when it started. Growing up, I waged a second-hand battle with the TV. My dad watched it a lot. When I tried to talk to him, he frequently shushed me because I was interrupting--that is, if he heard me at all. I missed going on bike rides and talking with him like we did when I was younger. I was angry with him for that, but I was also angry at the TV. I swore I would not do the same to my friends and family. I would not let TV rule that much of my life.

Now I barely watch TV, so it certainly is not ruling my life. It still drives me nuts when someone reflexively turns on the TV. I wonder, though: have I have simply supplanted one technology for another? One of the first things I do when I wake up in the morning or get home is open my laptop to check the latest of everything online. Will I let my computer and cell phone distract me from my friend sitting next to me or my family sitting around the table? I ask myself these questions nearly every day.

I am certainly not claiming that technology is inherently evil. It provides many benefits. The way people interact with it is what causes a problem. I fervently hope that, by noticing and questioning my tech-related habits, they will not become a problem.

Catching up

Today was a mixed bag. I got some work done, but not as much as I hoped. I'd be working on some programs right now if I could log in to the damn department computer cluster!

Despite my modest programming progress, I don't feel too bad about today. I replaced a few parts on my road bike so it's ready to ride and possibly ready for my big ride in a couple of weeks. I'll take it out for some laps around a park up the road even though it'll be hot again tomorrow (mid-80s for a high and sunny). I also got some much-needed extra sleep this morning.

I'm working on finding a routine here even though it's kind of futile when the circumstances are so fluid. I at least set up a pseudo-office in my bedroom: an office chair and a couple of TV trays. If I run out of "desk" space, my parents have two more TV trays :P. At first I was annoyed with the arrangement, but I think it's growing on me. It's kind of cozy.

Tomorrow will be a bit of a broken day with a doctor appointment and a bike ride, but that may not be bad. It won't give me enough continuous time programming to want to beat myself over the head with my laptop.

I'm really excited to get out on my bike tomorrow :D.

December Scientiae 2009

The call for posts asks for my wishes that would make my professional life easier. I always hesitate to think of these things because I'm afraid it will make me less satisfied with the current state of things. Occasionally, however, I think it is good to take stock of what can improve to see if any of it can be addressed. In light of that, here's my list, in no particular order (I have an unhealthy fondness for lists):

1. My work computer dies and I get a new one. The keyboard and touchpad on my little macbook don't always respond very quickly and there are visible ripples that emanate down the screen. That can't be good. If it's going to die, it may as well do it before the warranty is up.
2. I regain motivation and excitement for research and classes. This semester has been a struggle. I quickly lost interest in my classes and they turned into larger energy sinks than they should have been. Also, once I get the paper resulting from my MS research submitted, my research motivation should improve as I start on a new topic for my PhD. I always like starting new things better than wrapping up the details of old projects. I am hopeful for next semester.
3. Small windfall of money to help pay for new professional clothes. I have lost about 15 pounds since I bought my last dress pants and they are quite baggy. I'll have to remedy this one way or another by AGU next week
4. Doctor approval for me to return to my regular exercise activities. I strained a ligament in my knee just before Thanksgiving. The doctor does not want me returning to them until I'm evaluated by the sports clinic on campus. I have an appointment early next week. Since I leave for AGU on Wednesday and will only be in town for a few days between that and heading home for Christmas, so I may not get to jujitsu or rock climbing until January again. That makes me sad. It also makes it much harder for me to work off excess energy or frustration.
5. More regular advising and help setting goals from my advisor. I haven't heard much from him lately and I feel like I've been floundering a bit. Maybe this is just a natural process in which I need to be more self-directed. I don't know where along the continuum I should be by now

Number 1 is not likely. Number 2 is semi-likely, but its duration may be more questionable. Number 3 is not likely either, so I'll have to work that into my budget. Number 4 is only a matter of time, but I'm not very patient. I don't know if number 5 will happen unless I specifically ask for it. Maybe if my motivation returns I won't need this as much.

Grad student confessional

Forgive me, advisor, for I have stalled. It has been seven weeks since I've done research and at least two since I've backed up my computer. I really want to get back to research, I swear. The personal issues are nearly resolved, so I hope this will happen soon.

Granted, I finished my master's in two years while carrying a heavy load of person ordeals and TAing a semester (not common in my department). And I haven't backed up my computer because I recently wiped its hard drive, haven't done any research since then, and need to reformat my backup drive as well. Perhaps I should just blame the equipment... except that my guilty conscience is less understanding than my advisor and would never accept that excuse.

I am quite lucky that my advisor has been so accommodating. My current situation would be much worse without that.

Thank you.

ugh

I live in a soap opera (but it's so much more than that).

macs are not wonderful

30 slides.

I know, I'm not sticking to NaBloPoMo at all. That's okay because I say it is.

I've been hoping for a while that my work macbook would give up and die (I won't intentionally kill it, but I'd like to). It randomly restarts sometimes and I don't know how to reproduce the problem on demand so the IT people can locate the problem. I've been carrying two laptops to work in case this one suddenly decides to take a dump.

This computer has been a problem from the start. It's DVD drive had to be replaced after a few months. It was out for almost a month for that. Then over the summer it started the random restarts. It was in the shop for a little over a month. First, it took a week and a half for them to reproduce the problem, then they didn't know how to fix it. They tried replacing several parts. I'm still not sure what they settled on...I think they only replaced the main board.

The macbook worked okay for a while, but it started randomly restarting a few weeks ago. I used the temporary fix (take out battery, unplug, and hold power button down to reset something) so I could back up some stuff and I haven't been able to reproduce the problem since. I took it to the department IT people anyhow. They ran all the diagnostics they have on the hardware and nothing showed up. All they could do was tell me to hope it dies. My advisor and the IT people want to throw it off the top of the building.

The disease itself is kind of interesting. It starts with not-so-random restarts. When it has been sitting for a bit and I move it, it restarts. If the computer is on battery power, it restarts without my input. If it is plugged in, it asks me to restart it, but doesn't give me another option (at least that's a bit more polite). As the disease progresses, it gets ruder and never asks me to restart. Eventually it restarts whenever it wants to (don't have to move it to make it restart) and may get stuck at the grey start-up screen. If it gets stuck on start-up, it emits the first half a second or so of the start-up sound once every one or two seconds.

Needless to say these computer issues have been an impediment to my research. If the computer would just die, I might get a new one that doesn't have so many problems. Failing that, I could rely completely on my personal laptop. It's not as powerful of a computer, but it seems more reliable.

Second post of the day so I can catch up and blog about something current for once

I know, when it rains, it pours, and now I've given you two posts at once after a week and a half of nothing. At some point I'd like to return to blogging about current events. No time better than the present, right?

Recent events have caused me to disappear from my journal and blog. I hope to remedy that now that a couple of deadlines and other important dates have passed. What were these events, you may ask. Well, I'll tell you (and I'm not going to sing it)...

When I got back from the conference late on October 1st, I had to catch up on a week and a half or two weeks of class work that I'd ignored while working on my poster. It was worth ignoring classes to the extent I could because my first ever poster turned out quite nice. I was somewhat disappointed with the poster session, as I mentioned, but the poster itself looked good and had good information on it. I think the problem was more with the conference and lack of interest than the poster itself.

Back to the missed class work...I had a homework assignment due the second day back in town, which I finished on time, and loads of reading. Reading is easy to ignore.

I was also a bit burned out on research because of spending so much time working on my poster before the conference, so I needed a break. My first full week back, I did very little research and focused on classes and house stuff. Did I mention that housework was very low on my priority list? Frankly, the house was a mess. It hasn't really recovered yet and I don't expect it to recover until we have to pack everything up to move out. The boyfriend and I will be very busy next semester, wo I expect to be eating a lot out of boxes, bags, and cans.

My advisor was also very busy. He only had a week and a half before a two-week international trip to attend two conferences back-to-back. His wife had already been alone with their two small children through the other conference and single-handedly cared for them while he went to the international conferences. In the time between travel, he needed to give her a break to get some of her work done (she's finishing her dissertation). He also needed to work on a seminar, a talk or two, and a poster. I tried to bother him as little as possible.

Then the advisor was gone for two weeks in a foreign country with poor internet access. He was barely available via email. I spent the first week of that reading background papers for a fellowship proposal. The second week I worked on massive data transfer and processing. The computing cluster I was putting it on had a few issues with its setup, so those had to be worked out in the process, and I initially didn't have the permissions I needed to put the files in the correct directories. It took a large part of the week to get all that worked out. I also learned a bit more about shell and batch scripting, which I'm sure will be useful in the future.

Now that the advisor is back, things are getting a bit easier and moving more quickly. He's still busy this week because he's filling in for the person who subbed for him last week, but he'll be in town for the rest of the semester.