a ditty for late-night proposals

A-proposing we will go, a-proposing we will go,
Hi-ho the funding-o, a-proposing we will go

Happy 2009!

First of all, Happy New Year! I hope 2009 maintains any goodness from 2008 and adds some of its own.

Now, here are my goals for 2009:

1. apply for a few more fellowships: three to be exact. The research proposal is already written, so I'd need to revise it to fit each application.


2. present master's seminar in February. This is a bit of a gimme. I already have a large part of the seminar ready and I will present wherever my research is.


3. pass qual in May. Part of this is making sure I still enjoy my life while I'm studying for the qual. My brain will more effectively remember things if I get enough sleep and take breaks from studying.


4. submit thesis by August deposit deadline, which is in late July. This might be a bit of a stretch, but there's always October as a back-up.


5. incorporate regular exercise into my schedule, both as stress relief and to strengthen my problematic neck-shoulder-back muscles.


6. take a real vacation. I haven't had a vacation since I moved to GradState, and it has been a particularly stressful year and a third.


7. find a place to rent where the boyfriend and I can stay until I'm done with school. We want space to expand in addition to having enough space for us right now.


8. take vitamin daily. I was doing really well with this until sometime last spring (I think).


9. do something for other people. I don't have any details about this. The boyfriend's goals for 2008 suggest donating blood. I'll consider it, even though last time I donated I nearly passed out.

2008 in review is yet to come...

anti-anxiety/anti-depression meds

A recent post at Candid Engineer inspired me to share a somewhat different, though not conflicting experience with anti-anxiety/anti-depression medication.

I was on an SNRI for about a year to prevent migraines. It also reduced unaddressed depression and anxiety. Actually, it completely got rid of any depressive symptoms (my mom said I was a cheerleader) and reduced my anxiety to a probably undesirable level.

While I was overall much more cheerful, my grades suffered tremendously. My semester GPA dropped a full letter grade in one year because I could not focus on school work. This laid a somewhat shaky foundation for advanced undergrad studies for which I had to compensate later. The experience did, however, show me that there is not nearly as much to be anxious or depressed about as I previously believed. Even after I went off the medication, I was less anxious and depressed.

I've tried to hold on to that learning experience, but the farther removed from it I am, the harder it is to recall. I do not have nearly as many problems with depression as I used to, but the anxiety seems to be progressively returning. I know many of the thoughts are unreasonable. Sometimes I just can't stop the unreasonable ones and can't reign in the ones that are reasonable but overgrown.

I know this contributes to my headaches/migraines because many of them start as tension headaches and turn into migraines. I've also come across another problem recently: if I hold my arms above my head for too long, my forearms start to hurt. It takes quite a while for the discomfort to go away. The doctor said it is probably something pinching the blood vessels in my shoulders (I suspected this). I'm guessing the cause is also muscular. I'm working on a bit of a solution to this (strengthen the muscles by going to the gym). Perhaps more exercise will also help the anxiety, or maybe it will add to it because I will have one more demand on my time.

I do not have the courage to try meds for this unless it becomes unbearable. The psychologist I once talked to said it sounds like I'm just a more anxious person and don't require extensive treatment. I stopped going shortly after that due to time constraints and not being convinced that it would do me any good. Perhaps it's time to try it again. I need better stress and anxiety management.

A leg up?

During a student discussion with a faculty candidate, it came out that undergraduate mentors often help their students navigate their way to grad school. How prevalent is this? What exactly do advisors do to help their students? Some students even have the advantage of having parents in academia. How much of a benefit do both these provide?

my personality based on this blog

Thanks to a link at professing mama, my blog has been analyzed to determine my personality. It's pretty close, but not completely accurate.

ISTP - The Mechanics

The independent and problem-solving type. They are especially attuned to the demands of the moment are masters of responding to challenges that arise spontaneously. They generally prefer to think things out for themselves and often avoid inter-personal conflicts.

The Mechanics enjoy working together with other independent and highly skilled people and often like seek fun and action both in their work and personal life. They enjoy adventure and risk such as in driving race cars or working as policemen and firefighters.